please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
