Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
