shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
