he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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