apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
