I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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