billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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