I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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