last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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