haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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