I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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