The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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