there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
