she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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