This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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