i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
