I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
now i know why i became what i already was.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
