if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
