I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
