Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Randomize
