puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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