***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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