i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize