Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
