so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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