I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
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