Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
