Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
did i walk over a car last night?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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