it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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