So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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