Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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