Where did you get a picture of my penis
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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