I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
