Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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