He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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