Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
