I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
