if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
