i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
