Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
