One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
