That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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