Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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