I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
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