You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
