Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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