I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize