as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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