Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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