I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
