covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
