omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
