We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
