why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
