I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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