Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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