I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
