What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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