She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
