He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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