fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
