Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
