Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
