As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
