Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
