part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
