my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
