Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
