I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
