just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
