No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
