So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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