dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
