Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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