Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
