dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
